The secret about Sherlock
by Gothicbabe666
Summary: Sherlock has a secret. A secret that haunts his life and every deduction he makes. Will everything work out or will things finally fall apart for Sherlock. Love is a strange thing. Johnlock!
1. Chapter 1

Maggie Tyler. Her name was Maggie Tyler and she knew something that would change the life of Sherlock Holmes forever.

Sherlock Holmes was stood by the window as always with violin in hand when a knock echoed through the flat and Sherlock stopped playing. "May I come in." A small delicate voice asked and Sherlock gave a swift nod. The girl was petite and had long black hair but the tips burnt with an blood red stain. "Hello. My name is Maggie Tyler." Sherlock didn't stop playing as she spoke. "They told me you were rude. That you don't care very much for feelings or love but I don't believe them." A silence fell on the room as Sherlock killed the music. He walked over to his chair politely sitting leaning forward and looking straight into Maggie Tyler's eyes. "Then your wrong. Now please...either tell me your case or get out." Maggie lent forward and smiled. Her pupils dilated and excitement grew on her face. "My case..." She pause as breathed out a small giggle. "Is you, silly."

"Me?" Sherlock laughed and stood but watched as Maggie's face grew upset and anger came very quickly to her. "Read me Sherlock. Like you read the notes of the music you play so beautifully. Tell me what you see. Who am I? The bad guy? The lover or the hater? The murder or the victim?" Sherlock turned to her and with no emotion in his voice said. "I see a little girl playing a game too big for her. Now if you don't mind I was composing." Maggie stood and walked towards the door but before she left she smiled once more and spoke in a voice ever so innocent to the normal being but to Sherlock there was a distinctive insanity lingering in the air. "I'l see you again Sherlock and I will prove you wrong. You will feel something. Goodbye...Mr Holmes." Then she was gone and Sherlock began to play again but something was different.

2 years Later.

Sherlock laid staring at at the ceiling when he got a call and off to the lap he went another lonely adventure well at least to everyone else that's what it looked like but Sherlock didn't see or feel or even notice he was always until one day he wasn't. "Hello. My names John Watson." Sherlock looked up from his micro scope taking his time to scan over john before going back to his micro scope. "Afghanistan or Iraq?" John was shocked this man had known him for seconds and yet he knew, somehow, that John had fought hard in war. Little did John know that one question would change the rest of his life.

4 years after meeting Maggie.

"So Sherlock...what mystery murder are we solving today?" Sherlock stoped playing the violin and a cold stiff silence spread across the room only to be broken by a sharp knock at the door and Sherlock's film voice. "Why don't you ask our guest." John felt a cold metal press against his head, a large man who seemed to know his way around a gun and he had shoot one before. Tattoos smothered his body and a piercing hung from his nose. But Sherlock just kept playing. "Now Maggie please. That's no way to greet an old friends best friend." Sherlock spoke softly almost as if it all just a joke but it didn't look like a funny one with a gun pointed to his best friends head. "Sherlock?" John spoke with fear laced in his voice and Sherlock threw his violin to the floor and spun around. "MAGGIE! STAND YOUR MAN DOWN!" John flinched at the sound of Sherlock shouting. Sherlock was a smart man who never needed to raise his voice for someone to listen. F or him someone was always listening. "I apologies Mr Holmes but it's some insurance in case anything may happen to me this afternoon." Maggie took a seat. " Please Sherlock...sit. Amuse me for a while. Its been years...have you enjoyed it?" Sherlock took a deep breath and sat down. "Well what was I supposed to be enjoying?" Maggie crossed her legs and smiled at Sherlock taking in every inch of him her head slightly tilted to the side. She looked at John for a few moments his eyes locked onto Sherlock watching his every move. "The game of course." Sherlock sighed "I always enjoy the game but I'm not sure I like this one Maggie. What do you want?" Maggie uncrossed her legs and lent forward and smiled wide. "I want you tell him your secret." Sherlock laughed and went to get up but Maggie's face fell and her expression went to a darker place. "Don't make me kill him Sherlock." Maggie smiled again as Sherlock took his seat again. "You wont kill him Maggie. I can read you like the notes to the beautiful music I play. Your not a killer, your a victim. Abused...by your mother and you father and disowned by the rest. You wouldn't hurt John Watson and we both know that. Your a scared little girl inside but why?"

"I've got it...A LOVER! But not just any lover. A long term lover...or maybe just the love of your life." Maggie's face was almost concerned. "But not a man...a girl no a women. She is your world. Your heroine." Maggie smiled returned and she looked at the ground for a moment. "Thank you Sherlock...It felt amazing to be read by one of the smartest men in the world but you missed one thing. I may not be a killer but my friend here is and you still haven't told John here your little secret." Sherlock looked almost shocked that Maggie didn't care about Sherlock's knowledge of her or her lover. "I don't know what your talking about Maggie." Maggie became angry and took a deep breath and turned to John. "I'm sorry that your friend is going to let you die. I thought he was better then letting his feelings get the better of him." Maggie nodded to the gun man and he cocked the gun. "Maggie! Please fine...I'll tell him." Maggie was almost bouncing with happiness. "Oh goody! Now hurry up Sherlock I have an appointment at 10 o'clock." Sherlock looked...scared? Was that fear that seemed to make his eyes shine with tears? No...not the great Sherlock Holmes broke by a small secret. A small tear ran down his face as he stood and came close to John he lent over and whispered ever so softly into his ear for only John to hear. Johns face looked shocked and confused as their eyes meet as Sherlock pulled away. But it was cut short by Maggie calling out to him. "Sherlock...say it so we can hear you." Sherlock's face turned from fear to anger as he lunged for Maggie but John was pushed to his knees by the gun man and Sherlock stopper. Maggie walked around Sherlock drinking him in. "Tut tut Sherlock. NOW SAY IT!" The scream was almost ear piercing but Sherlock didn't even flinch. "I think I'm in love with John Watson." Maggie laughed but it was forced. "Sherlock Holmes doesn't think anything. He KNOWS!" Sherlock felt to the floor as he was pushed into a position he had never even thought he would be in. "I love him." It was almost a whisper but everyone heard him. Maggie knelt down in front of him. "I know. Goodbye Mr Holmes."

End Of Chapter One.

Please leave a comment if you would like another chapter. Thanks for reading


	2. Chapter 2

Maggie was gone but even though she had left her perfume lingered in the air. Sherlock stayed on his knee's even after she had gone. John crawled over to him wrapping his arms around Sherlock and praying with everything he had that he would be okay. Sherlock began to shake and at first you would assume it was from a sob escaping his body but a bubbling laughter spilled out of his mouth and John let go shocked to see a laughing Sherlock. "Sherlock?" And just with John hushed whisper of his name Sherlock snapped back into being well...Sherlock. He jumper up and went to the kitchen and all John could hear was the kettle being filled. Stunned and a little shaken himself he went to find the man who had just declared his love for him.

Sherlock was making tea and whispering under his breath when John found him. "Sherlock what the hell is going on?" The fear and confusion made Sherlock stop. He inhaled loudly and turned to face john. He leaned back on the counter and smiled a little. Sherlock didn't really smile at anyone else but with John it was different. He had a million different smiles for all sorts of things but this smile was almost sad and apologetic. John hated this smile. "I'm sorry John. Nothing is going on. Maggie...she's an old friend so to speak. She visited me a long time ago...before I meet you. John...there are many things that I can explain to you but the way I feel about you...that is unexplained to me. It is also unacceptable and I am sorry. You are welcome to hit me or leave and we will never speak of this again." Sherlock's eyes were closed at this point and John stood with his eye brows furrowed and his hands tangled together his thumb slowly moving around his knuckles. "I..." John shock his head and stood straight like the solider he was. "I'm going for a walk." As John left, Sherlock sunk to the ground pulling his knees to his chest.

2 hours later.

John walked through the door to find Sherlock laying on the floor facing the ceiling at first John thought the worst. What if he had overdosed? What if Maggie's man had come back and killed him? What if...? But as John approached he saw Sherlock was far from dead but was sleeping peacefully and he was holding one of John's jumpers tightly to his chest. Sighing John picked Sherlock up and carried him to his bedroom. He let Sherlock cling to him and noticed how light Sherlock was. John would feel the bones of his ribs digging into him as Sherlock clinging to be closer. As John placed Sherlock gently on the bed he stirred but John just ran his fingers into his hair and lay next to him humming quietly. Sherlock was in a deep sleep when he let his arm tangle around John at first John was stiff and panicked a little but then when he looked at Sherlock's face ever good memory they shared came rushing back. Every time Sherlock had saved him. Every smile. Every laugh. And although that night was dark and cold John could feel the warmth that Sherlock gave him and his mind was bright with his love for Sherlock. John was confused, scared but in that moment he knew that he loved Sherlock. John leaned down laying a small kiss on Sherlock's forehead before falling asleep himself.


	3. Chapter 3

When Sherlock awoke he could feel the warmth of someone next to me and at first he wanted to melt into that person and enjoy the physical touch but then his brain remembered who he was and what he should not be doing. He leaped out of bed startling John who had been happily curled up with Sherlock. Sherlock stood shaking from the sudden cold. John opened as closed his mouth as if he was a goldfish gasping for air. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence John stood and started putting his coat on. Sherlock looked almost ashamed but John came close to him and gave a dull, sad smile before turning towards the door. Sherlock was staring at his feet that looked boney and blue, from the cold when he let a sentence slip that he knew he shouldn't. "Don't go."

1 hours later.

John and Sherlock sat in the cafe next to 221B in silence as John sipped at his piping hot coffee while Sherlock examined the people around them. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sherlock at this point is looking at the table picking at his fingers nervously. "Not really. You obviously not interested in me and for good reason." John thought back to last night and everything that had gone through his brain and then put his hand over Sherlock's. "That's not true." Sherlock's eyes go wide as his eyes went from John's hands to his face and John lets out a small giggle. Sherlock then pulls away and stands abruptly and the smile that he had once been upon his face when John had laughed had now vanished. When he spoke his voice was laced with sadness but he was stern. "I am married to my work John. You are welcome to live at 221B with me and help me solve crimes but as for our relastionship we are friends. I'm sorry John." And with that he left without a goodbye.

John climbed the stairs up to the flat to find sitting in his chair was another man that John recognised as Molly Hooper's ex boyfriend. He seemed to be laughing and eating an apple. John's body went cold as the man stood and threatened Sherlock his smile growing across his smug face. He left his apple on the table and began to go to the door before turning at the last moment giving John time to hide. "Goodbye Sherlock. Enjoy your trip." With hysterical laughter he left.


	4. Chapter 4

It was finally Christmas. Sherlock hated Christmas and didn't understand why they had to celebrate but John insisted. The decorations were up and John had even manged to sneak a bit of mistletoe into the flat without Sherlock noticing. He had a plan. They would spend Christmas together and John would cook dinner and then later they would end up accidentally under the mistletoe and he would finally kiss Sherlock. John had not worked up the courage to ask about the other man that had been in the flat but when John had gone into the flat Sherlock seemed worried and upset. John has a feeling that he might have liked the man and he was sad to find the feelings not returned but he loved John so that wouldn't make sense. It was all very confusing but John never asked because John never wanted to upset Sherlock. He wanted to hold him, care for him and tell him a million times over that he loved Sherlock. Maggie never came back and so John and Sherlock went on living there lives but Sherlock seemed different.

John sat next to Sherlock and pulled the last present from under the tree that shone bright enough to blind. "Here you go." John smiled wide and Sherlock thanked him and unwrapped the gift. Sherlock took in a sharp breath and a tear slipped down his face but Sherlock didn't cry. He could pretend but this was different and John put his hand on his shoulder and Sherlock held John's jumper close to his chest. The jumper Sherlock had clung to when John had left. Sherlock turned to John and wrapped his arms around him hugging him tight but as nice as the feeling was John hated the way he could feel all of Sherlock's ribs pushing out of his skin and his eyes looked dark as they leaked. John wiped the tears away and spoke. "Shall we call it a night?" They had dinner earlier and John was genuinely tired. Sherlock nodded and went to stand he turned to the door but before he could get out of the room John caught his hand with his.

Jumping a little at the boldness of John's touch Sherlock watched as John pointed up to the mistletoe above them. Sherlock stood frozen for a moment before leaning down and pressing a kiss onto John's mouth. His lips were soft and wet. John could feel a slight stubble on his top lip and John pushed himself against him. Him...the man he loved. Sherlock eventually pulled away when he felt John's tongue pressing against his lips. "What's wrong?" John's voice was silky and screamed with pleasure but Sherlock couldn't do this he wasn't ready. "Come to bed with me." John's eyes grew in size and his pupils dilated until you could barley see the colour of his eyes. Sherlock's spoke softly as his thumb brushed over John's lips. "Just...hold me. Let me listen to your heart beat and fall asleep to your breathing like a sweet lullaby. Please John. I just...I need that." John smiled and they moved towards the bedroom. They lay for hours in silence listening to each other breathing and enjoying the warmth of one another. They fell asleep as close as they could be clinging to each other as if they were each others last hope. True love was shared in those moments they spent together and that is why Sherlock let his tears flow because he knew this was the life he could never have.


	5. Chapter 5

2 mouths had past but Sherlock never thought this would be his life. John held two bags in his hand and the men from the moving van came in and out of the flat collecting John's stuff. "Please don't go." Sherlock was on the brink of break and the pain was unbearable. "It's best for the both of us. You need someone to look after you Sherlock and I'm just not that guy and I don't understand why it had to be this way. We could of been so happy but you wouldn't let us." John let a tear slip down his face as he kissed Sherlock for the last time. "Goodbye...Mr Holmes."

2 weeks later

Sherlock stood on the edge of the building his body trembling and he let tears fall as Moriarty stood behind him. We all knows what happens now. He jumps or John dies. Its as easy as that but is it? "Hello boys. Now we are playing dangerous games." Moriarty turns and Sherlock looks over his shoulder and non other then Maggie Tyler stands before them. "Oh Jim...you looked shocked to see me. You really think I would let you kill him?" She laughs but her face never wavers from its stone cold expression. She walks closer but Jim raises his gun but she just keeps walking and before she can take another step a bullet rattles from his gun and flies through the air towards her. She took the hit and was shocked by the force but she was clever and didn't come unprepared. Bulletproof vest. Of course but before Sherlock could even get down off the roof top a bullet speed through the air. Hitting Jim and making blood and brain spill out onto the concert.

Maggie looked at Sherlock and she almost looked sad. "You still have to jump but this time you won't really die. This time you jump and you make sure he knows your dead because Sherlock we have some work to do. So ring him say goodbye tell him you love him." Sherlock scrambled for his phone but before he dialled John he spoke looking deep into Maggie's eyes. "And the secret?" Maggie's eyes gleamed and she smiled sadly. "Come with me and that secret may not be as horrible as you may think." Sherlock looked confused but he knew there was no time for confusion and he rang John.

"Hello?" Sherlock looked down to see John the other side of the street. "Hello John. It's me. Its Sherlock. I'm very sorry to be calling but I needed...I needed to say goodbye." John was silent as he listened to Sherlock's shaking voice. "Look up John." John dose as he asks and he cries out Sherlock's name and starts to beg for him not to jump but Sherlock continues to speak. "I'm sorry John. I'm sorry that it has to end like this but I'm leaving a note that's what people do right? I love you John and don't ever forget that. I may not be on this earth much longer but I promise my love for you will always survive. I have to go now John. I'll miss you very much Mr John Watson. Goodbye." He throws the phone and Maggie catches it. "Time to go." Sherlock's hand reaches down wishing he could just touch John one more time and John cries out to him with tears running down his face. "I don't want to leave him." Maggie goes close to him and even her eyes look red from tears. "You have to jump. I can't save him Sherlock. I'm sorry." And with that Sherlock took a deep breath and jumped.


	6. Chapter 6

4 months after the Jump

Sherlock lay with his knees pressed to his chest and his eyes scrunched up wishing the pain would end. He flinched a little when he heard the tapping of someone checking there were no bubbles in another needle. He didn't open his eyes just offered his arm again and felt the cold needle press against his skin piercing it and a liquid running into his vain. He bit down on his lip and let a tear slip down and he thought about John.

John sat on the floor of 221B staring at the TV with Sherlock's scarf warped around him. A hot coffee was pressed against his hands as Mrs Hudson gave him a sad smile. "You need to get out of this flat dear." John just sat quietly eyes glazed over and hands shaking. It had been 4 month and at first John was sick with anger at Sherlock. Why jump? Why break his heart? After John had smashed the flat up he had found Sherlock's hidden stash of cocaine and a pack of cigarettes. He lay them on the table and stared at them for hours before finally standing and taking one fag out of the small creased box and pressing it to his lips wanting nothing more for this to slowly kill him so he could reunite with his love. After a while John just felt numb without Sherlock to make his heart beat his brain had shut off and the only thing that hurt was the way the tar from the cigarettes burnt his lungs.

7 months later

Sherlock stood straight and looked around the room finding an interesting map on the white wall. The room was 3 walls of glass so he could be observed 24/7. Sherlock didn't mind considering his circumstances. Sherlock spun around when he heard a knock on the glass. Maggie stood with a large smile and Sherlock returned it. The door opened and Sherlock couldn't stop himself. Throwing himself at Maggie and laughing hysterically. "You did it!" That's all he could say and cling to Maggie. "You're crazy but you did it." Maggie laughed with him and pulled away. "I'm sorry we couldn't do it any faster but at least you will be home for Christmas. It needs work but I think you'll be okay. So go...find him and fucking fall in love for Christ sake!" Sherlock hugged her again and then grabbed his coat. Giving her one last smile he left out the door. "Oh Sherlock..." She threw him a small wash bag and he nodded but before he could go he had to ask. "Why? Why did you help me?" Her smile turned sad and she looked down at her hand and there on her finger was a engagement ring. "They gave her 4 months to live. They said we won't have time to get married and have a family...but because of you Sherlock...we have a lot longer. Thank you." Sherlock was shocked to see a small tear run down her nose and drop onto her finger. She quickly wiped it away and smiled again. "Now get out of here! We both have people to tell how much we love you." Sherlock smiled wide and ran for the door and he could hear Maggie call to him. "I told you Mr Holmes! I told you you would feel something!"

3 hours later

John's phone pinged with an email with no information from where it came from. He didn't bother opening it because it was probably Mycroft asking if he was still alive. He lite a cigarette and put it between his chapped lips as he opened a parcel that had come in the post. A plain DVD. How strange. He let it slip into the DVD player and sat on the floor. He nearly chocked to death when he saw Sherlock's face. "Hello John. If you're watching this I am probably dead. I am so sorry that I cannot be with you. I hope some day we will reunite in where ever I go after this. I have always loved you John. I had hoped that I would have gotten better but this thing claws at my insides..."

Sherlock runs down baker street and hopes that John is there waiting for him. Having worked out that he was far from dead and that he was very much in love with him.

Sherlock speaking rings in John's ears and confusion clouds his mind. "It tears me apart. My bones stick out and my eyes are sunk into my skull so far I can barely see the beauty of the world with you in it. My mind is clouded by this illness. Every deduction I make and every choice I make I must remember what happened and what I have..."

Sherlock knocked frantically at the door with the numbers 221B sparkling in the sun. Mrs Hudson opens it and starts to sob and tell him how much she had missed him. He apologised but insisted he must see John. "He's a mess dear. He's fragile. Be gentle with him now."

"I'm sorry that I'm sick or at least was. I hope that the memories of me are not clouded by this dirty disease. You probably know by now why I died but I never really got to tell anyone so here we go..."

Sherlock ran up the stairs and paused feeling fear over come him and the thought of John no longer wanting or loving him. Of John hating him for this for everything. He prayed and let his adrenaline and love for John burst through the door and John's head snapped around just as a very sad looking Sherlock on screen spoke words that sent bile to Sherlock's throat.

"I have HIV."


End file.
